3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
