ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
