oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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