Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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