Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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