this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
