I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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