When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
