I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize