his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
