It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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