I wish my penis had an off switch
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
