OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
