Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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