On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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