You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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