Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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