I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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