is your mom at the bar?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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