after a month anything with tits is on the radar
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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