it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
