There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
