I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We got so high we made milksteak
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
