Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
