She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis