My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
