I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
