I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
