i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
