You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
