C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
