I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
