I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
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anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST