May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
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Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?