oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.