omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.