I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dating After Heartbreak
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..