Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?