After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.