He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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