Jerry, you need to find god
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
