I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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