If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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