Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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