like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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