The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
