i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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