my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
