It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't deserve a penis
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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