Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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