she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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