Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Congratulations! We have a period
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
