This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
