and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
