"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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