i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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