Betty ford says i'm here all night
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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