I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
