Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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