I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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