just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize