He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
