He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
