It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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