Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
