i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
