this boner is exhausting
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
