your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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