This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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